Within

I want a love I don’t have to pay for.
I want a love that is there because I am.
I want a love that asks nothing.
I want a love that casts me in its net.
I want a love that holds my space.

But love is a transaction.
An exchange.
Something for something.
It is my grace, my patience, my trust,
For your time, your attention, your heart.
It is my energy, my pride, my soul,
For your apathy, your silence, your absence

I want a love I don’t have to call.
I want a love that follows my heart.
I want a love that takes my hand.
I want a love with focus.
I want a love unencumbered by past.

And someday it will be
An exchange within myself.
My anxiety, my worry, my instability,
For my confidence, my drive, my strength.
My self-loathing, my shame, my failures,
For my light, my dark, my acceptance.
This is where I find my love.